


Not My Choice

by too_much



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Forced Pregnancy, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mpreg, Multi, non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 06:30:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14994860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/too_much/pseuds/too_much
Summary: After finding out that they are incapable of having another child the conventional way, Lucius and Narcissa try a different avenue.  Read the tags for a little more information.  Takes place between PoA and HBP.





	Not My Choice

His wand hand still stung from where he'd nearly hexed Lucius within an inch of his life. Narcissa had warned him off of it, told him that it simply wouldn't do to upset his system like that. Severus had wanted to hex her as well. The only problem was that his morning sickness chose that moment to crop up. He ran to the loo, Lucius and Narcissa trailing after him, cooing, telling him it would be alright, that there was nothing to worry about, when the babies were born, they would take care of them, Severus would have nothing to do with them. 

"Babies," he croaked, turning around to stare at them, hanging over the edge of the toilet, panting. "What the bloody... fuck .... did you do to me?" 

Apparently after Draco was born the mediwizards had told Narcissa and Lucius that there was little to no chance of her surviving another pregnancy. Draco's had been hard enough on her body. The pair, though, had always wanted a large family. That was when Lucius started doing his research. It had taken Lucius nearly fifteen years to figure it out, but as Severus lay in their home, relaxing after a long term, spending time with his godson and his closest friends, they'd done this to him. 

"It was simple, Severus, really. You'd be so proud of it. You'll be written up," Lucius told him with a proud smile. "It was a simple matter of getting Narcissa pregnant again." The woman nodded, wiping a cool cloth over the back of Severus' neck, stroking it over his spine. "Once she was, a little potion in your drink for a week created an environment for them to grow in and an apparition later, viola. We weren't sure that it had taken until you started being sick in the mornings." Lucius pulled Severus to his feet, embracing his friend. "Truly," he said, kissing his cheek, "you are amazing. What you're doing will be of use to pure families who are in the same position. You're an asset to our cause, Severus." 

Severus didn't point out that his amazingness had little to do with consent. He'd not agreed to this. He didn't want this, want children. "Lucius I could...." He turned again though, sick in the basin, heaving violently, his hand resting low on his stomach as it turned inside out. 

"Here," Narcissa slipped the potion into Severus' hand. "It will help with the morning sickness, love. One every morning before you get up and you shall be right as rain. Of course you're going to have to take the next term off. You'll stay here with us, we'll take care of you." She slid close, a hand running over his stomach. "I can't wait, Severus," she said, leaning in to press her lips to his forehead. "You're doing us such a great favor." 

He didn't want to think what Draco would say, what anyone would say if they realized what had happened to him. He hadn't been raped, really, just impregnated with Lucius and Narcissa's child... children. Fuck. Plural. He was going to be big as a fucking house. "I need to sit down." 

Lucius wrapped his arm around Severus' waist, holding him up as they walked into the sitting room, quite unnecessarily. "There," he said, putting his feet up on the ottoman. "Comfortable? Do you need some tea? Toast?" He moved to sit on one side of Severus, Narcissa on the other. 

"How far along am I," he asked Lucius, lips pursing tightly. 

"A little over three months. We wanted to be sure the babies were healthy before we moved them into you, Severus." 

"Why didn't you find a woman to do this to? At least she has the proper... bits to take care of a little something called the birth." Severus frowned, rubbing his hand over his forehead.

"...." Lucius took Severus' hand, holding it tightly. "Because," he said, "there is no one in the world that we trust more to protect our children than you Severus. I have wanted you to be more a part of this family than you have been for quite some time. This is a way to kill two birds with one stone."

"... and you thought that doing this without my consent was the best way to gain my trust?" 

Lucius frowned deeply, squeezing Severus' hand. "You would have said no, Severus, and I could not bare the thought of loosing this opportunity or of endangering Narcissa." 

Severus sighed deeply, shaking his head. "This is madness, Lucius. You know that. I can't carry a child for you, let alone a pair of them." He ran his hand over his stomach, shaking his head. 

Narcissa moved closer, covering his hand with hers, Lucius covering hers with his. "Please, Severus. Otherwise I'm going to try again. I won't leave Lucius' legacy to Draco alone. He would do well by his father, but we have both always wanted at least four children." 

They both looked at him with such need, with such deep desire for these lives growing in him that Severus caved. Damn them both to hell and back. "Six months, then." 

"Nearly seven... when they say nine months it's not really nine months," Lucius pointed out.

"Fine... seven. That will put me out for the rest of this year and the beginning of next." Truly, the thought of being without awful little children, away from Hogwarts for the first time in fifteen years, was a good one. It was his home, but sometimes a break was a good thing. 

Lucius nodded. "You'll have your rooms, we'll take care of you, Severus. Let us take care of you." He planned on compensating Severus handsomely for this as well, but he'd not be so crass as to speak about it. It was something that would just happen. 

Severus sighed, shaking his head. "I can't stay here. I'll stay at Spinner's End." Lucius looked at him as though he'd just spat on the carpet. 

"You won't be staying in that hovel, Severus. Why in the world would you go there when you can stay here with us?" Lucius was truly confused and shook his head. 

"... frankly," he said, looking between them, "because I'm seeing someone and he's expecting me home." 

Lucius looked at Severus, quite surprised. "I didn't know you were seeing someone, Severus. Avery?"

Severus shuddered, moving from between them. "That is really not your concern," he said, sighing deeply. "I need to return to Spinner's End to discuss with him just what's happened here." This would likely mean the end of their relationship. He couldn't see his lover being overly fond of the idea of him carrying Lucius Malfoy's spawn. He ran a hand through his hair, looking between them. 

"Of course," Narcissa said, nodding just a touch. "Darling, you go and talk to him, explain." She rose to run her hands over his arms, squeezing softly. "Do be careful though, you're carrying quite precious cargo." She gave him a little wink. 

Severus turned, pulling his wand to apperate, Lucius looking at him, shaking his head. "I'm afraid it's the floo system for you, Severus. Can't apperate while pregnant, too high a risk of splinching," he said, moving to the fireplace to pull down the gilt container of floo powder. "There you are then," he said with a smile, offering it to a very, VERY annoyed looking Severus. "We''ll see you back here in a little bit, then." 

With a blaze of green flames and what Lucius thought was a very rude hand gesture, Severus was gone to Spinner's End. 

***************************************

Remus had been at Spinner's End for a week now waiting for Severus. He knew that the man always went to Malfoy Manor for a bit after each term to keep up the political ties, and to spend some time with Draco outside of school. It was sweet, nearly.... Well it would have been sweet if it hadn't been the bloody Malfoys. 

The floo started up and Remus looked up, surprised. Severus hardly ever flooed, hated flooing, often fell out of the floo. He was up next to the fireplace ready to catch him if he tripped. "Severus," Remus greeted as the thin man grabbed his arm, turning and vomiting into the ash bucket rather violently. "Godric, Severus, what's wrong? Have you got a bug," he asked, smoothing his hair back from his face. "Shhhh...." He rubbed his lover's back tenderly, lending support as he heaved, trying to calm the spasms running through his body. 

"I'm... dumping... you," Severus got out between rolling spasms of his stomach. "Get... your stuff... and get... out." He wouldn't let Remus be tortured by the sight of his body growing large, getting fat. He wouldn't force him to watch as he gave birth to another man's children. He knew that Remus would be out of his mind with annoyance that they were Lucius to begin with, let alone how they'd come to be. Instead of getting Remus locked up for attacking Lucius, he was going to just end it. It wasn't as though anyone was going to want him after his body had gone through pregnancy anyway. 

"... you're just sick," Remus told him, rubbing his neck softly. "Come on Severus. Let's go sit down and we'll talk about this." 

"Nothing to talk about, Lupin," he said. "I'm through with you." It killed Severus to say it, tormented him in every conceivable way to hurt Remus, but it was for the best. "I was using you to get off and, frankly, I've found another option." 

Remus looked at him, frowning deeply. "Severus.... what are you... what..."

"Are you merely deaf or are you stupid as well, Lupin. I've found someone else. Get your shite and piss off." With that, Severus stepped away from Remus, giving him the once over. He wanted to keep him in his mind, to hold him there. His heart was being put in a vice to do this to him, but it was what needed to be done. "I'm going to go shopping. You need to be gone by the time I'm back. You have an hour, Lupin. If you're still here, I'm going to hex you." Severus spun on his heel and headed for the door, needing to get out of there before Remus said another word to him. 

***************************************

Everything was in its place when Severus came back to Spinners End. Not a chair was out of place, no holes in the walls... well, no more holes than had already been there at least. Remus had, it seemed, packed up what little was his here and left quietly. Severus didn't know what he expected, but that hadn't been it. He had expected Remus to fight for him, to demand answers, but instead he came home to an empty house. 

He desperately wanted a drink and actually had one poured before he thought to the children living inside him. "This is going to be a long seven months," he told them, his hand resting on the space where he thought they might be as he poured the scotch back into the bottle with the other hand. Sighing deeply, he moved around the house, carefully packing just what he needed. He didn't think he ever wanted to come back here, wanted to be in the place where he had so many awful memories, the most recent and freshest among the harder to get out of his mind. 

Suitcase packed, he looked around his childhood home. Not for the first time he thought about burning it to the ground. He wouldn't, though. He couldn't. It was a good touchstone for him when he was getting too full of himself. It kept his ego in check to remember that he'd come from this hell hole. 

Turning to the floo, he pinched a bit of powder and called out for Malfoy Manor and the next seven months of his life. 

***************************************

"LOOK!" Narcissa was leaned over Severus' legs, smiling at the little bump that was starting to develop. "They're showing themselves. Oh Severus." She slid her hands over the children, cupping the entirety of the bump with them both. "Oh Severus, do look." She moved his nightshirt up, revealing the bump, smiling widely. "I'm going to go get Lucius. I didn't mean to startle you this morning, I just had to come and see them. It's so hard not having them with me like I had Draco." 

It had been disconcerting to wake to Narcissa perched on the edge of his bed staring at his stomach. Lucius was known to be a brutally jealous man and Severus did not fancy being at the receiving end of that jealousy, especially as he'd not touched a woman in a sexual way since his fifth year. 

He turned, taking his potion in one slug, his custom now. He'd been living at Malfoy Manor for well over a month now, the babies growing, quite healthy inside of his makeshift womb. He sighed, running his hand over them, sliding it beneath his boxer shorts to touch the hardness there. He was small to begin with, weight wise, so having two additional lives in what was normally a concave area had shown near immediately. 

"Now now, Severus, no wanking in front of Narcissa," Lucius teased, sliding in to sit next to the man, his own hand going immediately to the bump. "... perfection," he nodded, looking adoringly over at Narcissa. 

This was how most days went. Severus sat down, and Narcissa and Lucius surrounded him on either side, cooing over his stomach, talking to the babies inside. Severus would read and they would discuss names. Severus would eat his breakfast and they'd talk about the colors for the nursery. He tuned them out most of the time, but when they touched him, that was when it became too much. 

Not only had it been nearly three months since he'd been with Remus, now Remus wasn't even a possibility and he had these pregnancy hormones raging through him in a way that made him want to lay waste to the sitting room one moment and fuck Lucius through the wall the next. To say that being pregnant was confusing was the understatement of the millennium, he thought. 

"We need to take you out and get you new robes, Severus," Narcissa said, moving to slide her hand over Lucius', giving it a squeeze. 

He shook his head. "My current robes are serviceable, thank you very much. Let's wait until I'm big as a house to change my wardrobe to pink and blue flowered muumuu's, shall we?" He thought to his life as a boy, his mother's clothes hanging loosely on him. He was going right back to that, wasn't he? 

"Oh so cranky," Lucius said, moving his hand a little lower. "I can send my darling wife out of the room and give you a little relief, Severus," he offered. It wasn't the first time that Lucius had offered that to Severus, and while Severus appreciated the offer, it was Remus' visage that he wanted, Remus that he saw standing behind them, looking disapprovingly down. 

"Thank you, but no. I have two hands that are quite capable, I assure you." 

***************************************

"Oh Severus," Narcissa said, smiling, "isn't that just darling?" She was running her hand over a powder blue baby dress that Severus had to admit was quite adorable. He was six and a half months along and felt as big as a house. Narcissa had convinced him, however, to come along with her baby shopping. She said that he'd been depressed and she wouldn't have it. 

"Are there two," he asked, running his hand over his rounded belly, sighing as he shifted, his other hand going to his back. He was a thin man before all of this began and good gods did having some extra weight around the middle play hell with his back. He'd given in finally last week and let Lucius rub his back at night. It was the only way that he was able to get some sleep. He hadn't a clue how he was supposed to get through the next three months like this, huge and miserable. 

"There are," the clerk said, stepping over. The voice put chills up Severus' spine and he knew who it was before he even looked up. "Severus," Remus said, his eyes flitting to his stomach, a look of shock on his face. "...." 

He felt the clench deep in the pit of his stomach and had to reach out to a rack to stop from falling over. Fucking hell, he'd just felt what Remus was feeling without even trying. There was another 'perk' of pregnancy, uncontrollable episodes of legilimency. The good thing about staying at Malfoy Manor was that both Lucius and Narcissa were so deliciously happy at the moment that they did nothing but beam at him and send positive thoughts his way. Being out in the world was increasingly difficult for Severus. 

At the moment, though, there were no such thoughts spinning out of Narcissa. She had stepped between he and Remus, staring daggers at the werewolf. "We'd prefer a human clerk," she said sharply, eyes narrowed to mere slits. "My friend is in a delicate condition and we want nothing to disturb him." 

Severus swooned again, turning to head toward the door, to escape this maelstrom of emotion flowing between the three of them. He felt the world slip, though, and then a strong pair of hands had him, were lowering him to the ground carefully. He was being cooed to softly, his hair petted in a very familiar way. He looked up, the concern etched in Remus' face making Severus realize quite acutely that the man was still in love with him. "Remus," he took one of his hands, wrapping his cool fingers around the stronger, thicker ones, squeezing. That was the last thing he remembered before the world went black around him. 

***************************************

"... he'll need to stay for at least two days observation. We just don't know what pregnancy does to a male body." 

"He needs to come home, to be cared for." 

"The hell he does. He needs to be with someone who really loves him, not a pair of manipulative bastards who use him as an incubator." 

"....the incubator can hear you," Severus commented, turning his head to look at the trio standing by the door. 

"Severus," Remus said, rushing over as Narcissa and Lucius did the same. He was surrounded and shook his head, waving a hand. 

"Give me some room," he told them, his hand moving to his stomach, worried, actually worried about the children he'd been carrying. "Are they..."

"They're fine. The mediwizards think that your blood pressure spiked, causing you to pass out," Lucius told him, taking Severus' hand, giving it a squeeze. "They want to keep you for a few days to ensure that you and the babies remain healthy, but other than that they're pleased at the weight you've put on, at how healthy our babies look." 

Remus frowned, looking down at Severus. "I'm going to stay with you tonight," he told his ex-lover. 

"Hardly," Lucius said. "As though we'd allow Severus to keep the company of a werewolf." 

Severus sighed, looking at Lucius. "I will keep company with whomever I wish, Lucius. Besides, it isn't the full moon. And as for you," he said, looking to Remus. "You and I no longer have any ties to each other."

Remus rolled his eyes, sitting on the edge of Severus' bed. "If you think that I'm so gullible that I'd fall for that twice, you're mad," he told his ex-lover, shaking his head. 

Severus sighed deeply, looking between Narcissa and Lucius. "Go home," he told them. "I'm fine." He knew that hell would likely freeze over before they left him here alone, but he had to give it a try. 

"Hardly," Lucius said, shaking his head. "We will give you a bit of time with ... Lupin," he said. "But we are not leaving you here alone, Severus." He offered Narcissa his arm, looking to Lupin. He stared sharply at the man, clearly working on conveying that he'd flay him from belly to shoulder if he hurt Severus or upset him in any way. 

"Fine, fine," Severus shook his head, struggling to sit up. Remus moved to assist him, helping him to shift the extra bulk. Severus' hand rested on the children doing backflips in his stomach, groaning deeply. "I'm fine. Go," he told the Malfoy's, watching them pause at the door, clearly torn. "Go." It was sharp this time and Lucius took Narcissa out the door without another glance backward. 

Remus waited, quiet, just looking at Severus, over him. "... they explained it all to me, or at least everything they were willing to explain to me," he told him, turning Severus' hand over to wrap his own around it. "... that this wasn't your choice, that you were doing it for them." He seemed nearly reverent as he looked down at Severus' belly, biting his bottom lip. "... can I touch them?" 

Severus thought that he must have hit his head on the way down, but he shrugged, turning his head. "Lucius and Narcissa manhandle me every day, why should you be any different?" He sighed, fixating on a spot on the wall as Remus' hand came to cup his stomach. The babies seemed to gravitate to the touch on them, both shifting quickly inside Severus. They had become so spoiled by Narcissa and Lucius' attentions that they moved to any sort of touch. He was growing increasingly more annoyed by Lucius and Narcissa's touches. Remus' touch, though, was entirely different. 

"... how do you feel," he asked him, Remus moving in closer, his hands both touching the round ball that was Severus' stomach. 

"Fat," Severus deadpanned. 

"... other than fat, which you aren't. From the back, no one would know. I didn't know that you were until you turned around." He moved his hands, feeling the little pushes, the little feet trailing him move along. "That's incredible," he said softly, looking up at his lover, watching his face turned so far away, looking off. "Severus," he said, bringing one of the hands to his face, turning it to force the man to look at him. 

"Really," he said, "you don't have to stay, Remus. I understand that you're likely horrified by this and completely sympathize. I was rather horrified myself." 

"... you had just found out that day, hadn't you," he asked, moving further up, looking at Severus, no longer at his belly. "... Sev," he whispered, his voice tender, fingers even more so at his cheek. "I wouldn't have left you. You have to know that. I mean... I got the point when you didn't return any of my letters...." 

"Letters," Severus asked, shifting a little, groaning in annoyance. One of the twins had settled on his bladder. 

"... I wrote you," Remus told him. "Almost every day for two months. I.... You didn't get them, did you? That son of a bitch held them back from you.... I'll bloody kill him." Remus' anger was nearly palpable, his fists balling tightly at his sides.

"Yes, well... do kill him after you help me get up and take a piss," Severus deadpanned, turning, putting his feet carefully on the ground, still sitting on the edge of the bed. "I wouldn't put it past Lucius to do that... He's been very careful about what he'll see me exposed to while I carry his children. Gods, I cannot even imagine what it was like for Narcissa with Draco. He's so bloody possessive." 

Remus' arm wrapped around Severus' waist, holding onto him as they moved toward the loo. "Alright, then," he asked, his fingers stroking low at Severus' back. "Your coloring is much better." He stood behind Severus as he went about the business of relieving himself and washing his hands. "You went ashen in the store, scared the hell out of me," he said. He'd deal with Lucius Malfoy later, he thought.

"I feel better. It's... well, frankly, it was how angry the pair of you were getting," he said, bringing a cloth to his face to give it a little scrub. "The legilimency is nearly uncontrollable anymore." 

Remus nodded, moving to hand Severus a towel. "Really... I'm sorry," he said sympathetically. "All I wanted to do was talk to you and she stepped in front of you as though I was going to maul you." He shook his head, reaching out to rub the back of Severus' neck as he would have when they were still together. The result, he was pleased to find, was exactly the same as it had been when they were together. Severus' head rocked forward, stretching his neck out for Remus, a low groan escaping his lips as Remus found the spot where the bulk of his tension always accumulated. 

"I dare say that's exactly what they were afraid of." He braced himself on the edge of the vanity, trying to ignore how very, very good Remus' fingers felt on the back of his neck. He let his eyes close, his neck stretch out for the man as he felt him move in closer, the warmth of his body near. 

"I've missed you," Remus told him, his voice just barely above a whisper. "Every night, every day... I think about you, Severus. It was so sudden. I thought it was me, that you'd finally...." He sighed, resting the hand that had been rubbing his lover's neck on his shoulder. 

"... somehow," Severus said quietly, turning to rest his backside on the edge of the vanity, looking up at Remus, "I didn't think you'd be interested in damaged goods, Lupin." 

Remus actually laughed, shaking his head. "You've seen me, Severus. What am I but damaged goods? And, really... it's not as though you went about asking them to do this. It happened to you, Sev. Besides...." He shook his head. "I think you're kind of cute all rounded out." 

Severus gave Remus a sound shove in the middle of his chest. "Do not find this amusing, Remus John Lupin. You are _not_ allowed to find this amusing in the least, you bastard." He shoved him again, stalking past him into the main hospital room. His stalking had taken a bit of a hit, dramatically speaking, when he'd passed the sixth month. He'd popped in a big way one night and all of a sudden all he was capable of doing was waddling. 

"I'm sorry," Remus told him honestly, moving to help Severus get back into bed. "Really.... It's... a shock, that's all." He pulled the covers up, tucking him in a bit, his fingers coming to run through the hair that had fallen over Severus' face. "I mean it, though. You're kind of sexy all rounded out." 

"You are a perverted beast," Severus told him as he shifted a little in the bed to make more room for Remus. He was glad that he wasn't running out the door, glad that he was sitting here talking to him. Gods, he hadn't realized how utterly much he had missed him until he was looking up at him from the floor of that shop. 

***************************************

 

"I'm not going anywhere. Be quiet or you're going to wake him." 

"You aren't welcome here. This is a family matter and you, sir... and I use the word loosely, are not family."

"Be quiet, the pair of you. He needs his rest."

"... yes, he does," Severus said, looking over to Remus and Lucius arguing by the window. "But as he's awake now.... Lucius, you'll need to return Remus' letters to me when we return to the Manor."

"Severus, surely you're not serious. You're not going to go back to Malfoy Manor with them?" Remus had moved to his side, taken his hand.

"I am quite serious," Severus told him evenly. "I'm also quite serious when I say this: Lucius," he paused, waiting for the man's attention, "you're going to need to procure a good supply of wolfsbane for Remus as he is coming to stay at the Manor until the children are born. I swear, if you so much as begin to argue with me, Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, I will spend the duration of this pregnancy holed up in Spinners End and neither you nor Narcissa will be present at the birth." 

Lucius' mouth opened then shut, Narcissa stepping in front of him to keep her husband from saying something stupid. "Of course your friend may stay, Severus. We want you as comfortable and happy as we can possibly make you." Even if it means sharing our home with a beast, she thought, her even Malfoy smile firmly in place. 

"Good," Severus said. "The two of you need to go," he said, looking from Lucius to Remus. "You need to pack a bag," he told Remus. "And you," he looked to Lucius, "need to start writing letters, now don't you?" 

Narcissa moved to perch on the edge of his bed, her hand on the babies. "Narcissa can sit with me while you go about your business." He eyed the pair of them, then looked to Narcissa who shooed them out in a moment. There was something formidable about her, there always had been that, though. Even as a girl, Narcissa could command an audience. 

She waited until the boys were gone to shift and lie next to Severus, her hand on her children, body pressed as closely as she could manage. She had been shocked that he'd allow it, but also knew that there was really no way that he wouldn't allow it. They were her children and she knew that he understood that on a deeper level than any man possibly could. In moments like this, they said nothing, they simply lay there, Narcissa holding her children, doing what her body would not allow her to do... protect them. 

***************************************

"I'm big as a house and you're out of your mind if you think, for a second, that sex is going to factor into this in any way, shape, or form, Remus." Remus' hand had slipped a little lower on his enormous stomach, just a little too low really, and Severus had reacted quite sharply. 

"That's not what your body is telling me, Sev." Remus had taken to living at Malfoy Manor mostly, Severus supposed, to annoy the hell out of Lucius. He fit in, other than his clothing, and Lucius could spit teeth over a half-blooded, half-breed fitting into his society so well. It, however, amused Severus to no end. 

"My body, as you might have noticed, is quite out of my control, Remus. Now budge up. Narcissa will be coming in soon. I'm sure you have to scamper off to get in Lucius' way somewhere. Don't think that I don't know what you're doing and don't think that once I've had his children and they're well that he's not going to do everything and anything he can to make your life hell." Lucius was a smart, self-serving man who would not bring attention to the fact that he'd really like to kill Remus right now. He'd wait until he'd gotten what he wanted out of the deal and do something about it. Right now he wouldn't upset Severus if his own life depended on it. 

"Don't get your blood pressure up too much, Severus," he told him, running his hand back up the man's belly. "It's bad for Frick and Frack." 

"Don't let either of the Malfoys catch you calling their spawn Frick and Frack, Remus, if you ever have hopes of having intercourse again." Severus shifted, sitting up a bit more in bed. "Go on then...." He gave Remus a shove, shaking his head. 

It had been two weeks now that Remus had lived here and there had been little more contact than brushes in the night or a soft kiss to the forehead. While Severus very much wanted to find himself lost in the throes of passion, he hated the idea of Remus seeing him fully nude, of what his body was no longer fully capable of. He sighed, running a hand through his hair as Remus quickly dressed and headed out of the room, stopping to press his lips to Severus' forehead as he went. "I'll be back in a couple of hours. Don't let her linger too long. I want to take you on a walk." 

Severus rolled his eyes. "Go, will you?" Severus let his hand linger, though, on Remus' wrist, giving it a little squeeze. 

As Remus walked out, Narcissa walked in. It seemed that nearly every waking moment was spent in the company of a Malfoy, though they might not see it that way with Remus' presence. His lover had taken over a portion of the day and he knew for a fact that Narcissa had taken to actually waiting outside for Remus to leave so that she could come see her children. 

She leaned in, kissing Severus' cheek before perching on the edge of the bed. "I have a question for you, Severus," she said evenly, her hand resting on the babies. 

"I'm sure you have," Severus told her. "I agreed to this time, though, so that you could bond with your children, not so that you might put me through some sort of sequel to the Spanish Inquisition, Madame Malfoy." He plucked his book from the bedside table and started to read, letting Narcissa settle in on the bed. 

They lay there for some time, Narcissa's hand rubbing softly, her words quiet and tender to the babies inside him. "... and the sad part, my darlings," she said when Severus accidentally began listening to her, "is that I do think your Severus loves the half-breed." She cooed it in the most sickeningly sweet voice, her words nearly sugar-coated. "The way he looks at him at meals, he thinks that no one notices, but I do. Then there's the fact that each morning it is a little later that I am allowed in to visit with you. He's embarassed to be touched, though. It's strange, darlings, because when I was with child, I was oh so happy to have daddy take me. I was proud of how I looked, heavy with his heir." 

"Perhaps the reason that Severus," he said, "does not wish to be touched is because they are not, in fact, _his_ children, but another man's." He was shocked that it had come out, more shocked that it was the truth. He wasn't embarassed because of his body, because of how big he was, but rather ashamed that the children he carried were not Remus'. He'd never even so much as considered having a child before, so to lament the fact that they weren't Remus' gave Severus serious pause. 

"Perhaps our dear Severus," Narcissa said, still under the guise of speaking to her children, "needs to get over it. It's just going to get more difficult to bear the closer he gets to delivery and to have someone who wants to hold you, to touch you....." She looked up, meeting Severus' eye. "It makes all the difference in the world." 

***************************************

There was silence between he and Remus as they started their walk around the gardens. Lucius was an enthusiastic gardner and had covered nearly every inch of the grounds with elaborate gardens. Most of his station wouldn't have gotten down on their hands and knees and actually planted things, but he did. That was one of the things that Severus actually liked about the man, he might be utterly full of himself and a complete zealot when it came to _their cause_ , but he was sincere when he put himself into something. He would get his hands dirty whereas most of his station would pay a lesser to do it. 

"The gardens really are beautiful," Remus said softly, reaching over to brush his hand against the back of Severus'. "Malfoy might be a completely egocentric prick, but he did a lovely job on the gardens." Remus was no idiot, he knew that the only reason Lucius hadn't murdered him on sight was because it would upset Severus and his pregnancy was already delicate to begin with. Lucius had been scared for his family which, frankly, surprised the hell out of Remus. He never would have imagined that he had it in him. 

"Lucius has been working on them since he was a boy. It was what he did with his mother, one of their grand projects," Severus said, one hand moving to his back, pressing against it. He knew that the walk would do him good, but he really did wish to simply sit down somewhere for awhile. 

"... I guess that I didn't realize you and he were actually friends," Remus said as they turned a corner, heading toward the back of the property. 

"Lucius was among the very few in my house to acknowledge me for my intelligence, not my blood," Severus said evenly. "He and Narcissa helped me a great deal those early years." He wouldn't point out that Lucius was also the one to bring him to Voldemort, the one to push his initiation into the Death Eaters. 

"... I would say that you could have found friends elsewhere, but I don't suppose that James and Sirius made that very easy for you." Remus still felt pangs of guilt over his complacency in Severus' torture. He'd been so terrified of loosing his own friends that he hadn't said a word when, really, he should have tried to stay their hands. 

A deep sneer of distaste marred Severus' face as they headed into Lucius' knot garden, his brows knit, face dark. "You may not understand it, but Lucius and Narcissa have been loyal to me in times where it was not entirely to their advantage to be loyal. This...." he waved to his stomach, "is a small price to pay for what they've done for me over the years." 

"... what, brought you into the Death Eaters, Severus? Seen your life put in danger over and over and over again? What in the world could they have possibly done for you, Severus? Merlin," Remus sighed, flopping down on a stone bench, looking up at his lover. "What?" 

Severus murmured something, looking away. 

"I can't hear you when you mumble," Remus told him, annoyed beyond compare. How in the _hell_ could he defend them, especially after this? 

"They took me in," Severus told him, eyes as sharp as his tone. "My mother died my fifth year and my father fell deeper into the bottle. Lucius helped me forge papers that allowed me to stay here, in that shack you're staying in as a matter of fact. His father wouldn't have half bloods in the house." Abraxas was a bastard, to be sure, but even he looked like a loving father compared to Severus' own. "Lucius went toe-to-toe with his father for me, Lupin. He has taken care of me when I had no means to take care of myself for the mere pleasure of my company, to be able to sit down and talk with me, to ensure his son's safety... small prices, even this," he said, touching the children inside him, "was a small price to pay for getting away from my father." 

Remus stared at Severus, taking it all in. They were so much more alike than Severus even realized. He would do anything for Lucius and Narcissa just as Remus, himself, would have done anything for James and Sirius. "Two peas in a pod," he mumbled under his breath. 

"...." Severus stared at Remus, a deep furrow between his eyebrows. "If you have something to say, Remus, spit it out, don't go mumbling about over there like some tosser." 

"... tosser, eh," he asked, standing. He moved to Severus, arms wrapping around his waist, embracing him. It was a tight fit, but he could still do it, still hold him despite Severus squirming a bit. "I said that we are two peas in a pod, Severus. We both let our friends take what they needed from us, allowed them far, far more leeway than we should have because we were petrified that we were going to loose them." He reached up, running his fingers over Severus' face, brushing the hair back from his eyes. "Despite the way you're looking at me at the moment," he said with a smile, "you're glowing Severus." 

The look got even darker as he stepped back. "Really, Lupin. You should learn to keep your hands to yourself." Severus pulled his robes as tightly as he could around himself, keeping some distance between he and Remus. 

"Why?" Remus invaded Severus' space again, reaching out to run his hand over the man's arm. "You wanted me here for some reason, Severus. You hold onto me for dear life while you sleep, it's only when you wake up that you push back, that you put distance between us. If you think that I"m repulsed by your body as it is... you're wrong. I meant it when I said I think this suits you." He brought Severus' hand to his lips, kissing the knuckles, pleased that Severus didn't pull back from him, didn't flee. 

"... how can you possibly think that, Lupin," Severus asked him, doing his best not to pull back, not to let the demons in his head telling him that Remus was just going to leave him, was just going to decide that he couldn't bare to see him carrying another man's child and break what little was left of his heart. 

"... you are happy to be able to do this for them. I know that you'd never say it and you don't have to admit it, but you are proud, in some way, that you can give this to them. The way you spoke about Lucius just now.... That only proves it for me." 

"It has never been physical between Lucius and I," Severus told Remus, backing away, finding himself caught by a high hedge. 

"... Severus... you don't think....." He stepped in, his fingers running over Severus' cheek, taking in the scared look in his lover's eyes. "I never thought, not for a moment, that this was the result of any tryst, Severus. There are many things one could think of you, but I would never think you unfaithful." 

It took Severus by surprise. He simply looked at Remus not understanding why he felt as though the iron rod that had been holding his spine up had just been ripped out. All of a sudden he felt complete relief flow over him because he knew his lover to be sincere. He looked away, trying to hide how touched he was by Remus' faith in him. _It's misplaced, you'll destroy him_ , the voice in his head said. Severus' eyes moved to the ground as shame started to mingle with his peace. Remus, though, wouldn't have it. He took Severus' face in his hands, forcing him to look him in the eye. 

"Just like we got through you outing me as a werewolf and having things be long distance and Sirius and the Order and a million other things, Severus, we'll get through this. I have faith in us, in our commitment to each other." He ran his thumb under Severus' jaw, noticing the pulse pounding there. "Shhhhhh..." his arms wrapped around Severus tightly, holding his lover as he shook. He wouldn't say that Severus was crying, no... Severus didn't cry. He would only say that he needed the support, the physical affection, the peace of his arms. Remus was proud to be able to give him that peace. It was the one thing that he could see, after all was said and done, living for.


End file.
